During this summer I've made some important realizations.
I've been studying abroad for two years now, visiting Finland only in summer. After my first year I already noticed how few friends I had left in Finland. So it was no news when I again saw how life had gone past me here, and how I had gone past this place. My home is not here anymore. It can be once again, one day. But not now. There are fewer and fewer true friends who remain. These I believe will stay, but I know I need to step away myself now. Friendships that will last, will last. Others can go.
I know you may drift away, but those who matter, them you will always find again.
I miss my ka-tet in England. Currently they are my family. I don't know what will happen after this year, though, as we will graduate. But I'm sure I've made friends for life in England, too.
I've been through a lot this past year.
I've dealt with inner demons from past and calmed their fury for now (they'll come back, I'm sure), lost a loved one, lost friends, dealt with devouring guilt, been ill for months and months, almost started cutting again, told myself I'm too beautiful for that, lost weight, run away from a hospital, spoken with my father for the first time for real and found a connection.
Letting my beast out, I'm quite unable to love.
Art is the only thing I can give.